A Final Fantasy 7 Halloween
by Sir Scribnatius of Biscuit
Summary: It's a story about Final Fantasy 7...and Halloween. Read it, please.


  
A Final Fantasy 7 Halloween  
  
  
  
It was Halloween Night, and the Final Fantasy 7 crew (which now included Sephiroth, because he had a really cool poo stick and had faced counseling) gathered at Rocket Town to head to the Gold Saucer for a bumpin' Halloween pizzarty. Cid had decorated the Highwind so it looked like a big hearse, (ha ha) and awaited the arrival of everybody. Cloud and Tifa were flying in from Kalm, where they ran their own Martial Art studio/flower boutique (Cloud ran the boutique). Vincent flew in with Elena on his back. He obviously had gotten married, or Elena was trying to apply the choke hold. (One of the two.) Yuffie came in from Wutai where she lives with her fizzather, who keeps her locked in her room and beats her daily with a clotheshanger. Nanaki had hitched a ride with Barret and Marlene to Rocket Town because he couldn't afford (or drive, uh, legally) a car, after the elders of Cosmo Canyon found out he had done a little "smokity smoke" on the long journey, so he's under suspension. Aeris is dead…so she's coming too. No, she's not dead. They revived her with a Phoenix Down, after Sephiroth said, "Why didn't you do that the first time, you retards." Cloud shrugged and said, "Biscuit." Oh, wait, Cait Sith came too. Darn it.  
  
  
After a while, they had all arrived, and Cid said," Why don't you #!%^$%)* get in the (&%*%*^&(% plane before I kick your %)^$*&% &)^% with my %)^)& spear." Everybody said okay since they would dress in the Highwind. The plane took off while they were flying towards the Gold Saucer. Everyone was talking excitedly about how they would dress up, and soon they decided to go in pairs. Cloud said, "Hey homo, uh, I mean Sephiroth, huh huh, what are you dressing up as, a homo, huh huh?" Sephiroth muttered, "I am one with the plizzanet, and I'm going as…nevermind." Everybody turned and said, "No, Sephy, what are you going as?" "Cough, cough, Pat Sajak," said Sephiroth. Yuffie yelled, "Hey, he said he's going as Pat Sajak!!!!"  
"What, you're going as Pat Sajak??"   
"Stop making fun of me!!" Sephiroth ran out of the room crying.   
Cloud said, "I wonder who he's going with." Aeris raised her hand and said, "He's going with me. I'm dressing up as Vanna White."  
Yuffie yelled, "Aha, he is, see, I told you he is going as Pat Sajak!"  
Barret said, "Well ain't that some chittlin'?" Cid replied," %@$%@ straight!."  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Barret and Cait Sith slipped out of the room silently to talk. Cait Sith said," Well, will you?"  
"I dunno, man. That's…odd."  
"I know, I know, but you know I'll never get a girl like that. Come on, help a brotha out."  
"Yeah, but what will the others say? I was plannin' on goin' as Chewbacca. Now…"  
"Aww, whatchu talkin' about, Barret, don't be a wussy wookie. Help me out! Just this one time, I swear to Bob. Please???"  
"Awright, but how the biscuit am I's gonna do this?"  
"Just do as I say. Oh, and make sure you stay near Tifa and Aeris…"  
  
  
  
Suddenly the P.A. system came on, "We will be arriving at the Gold Saucer in 15 minutes. Everybody get ready and stuff."   
Everyone hurriedly went to separate rooms to get dressed. A few minutes later, Tifa and Cloud's room opened and they walked out dressed as Squall and Rinoa…you know from that other Final Fantasy game. I think it was 8. Something like that.  
Then out came Sephiroth and Aeris from the chocobo room. They were obviously dressed as Pat Sajak and Vanna White. Sephiroth whispered to Aeris, "How could you make me do this in front of them? I am the First Class SOLDIER that nearly destroyed the world. I'm so embarrassed." Aeris replied, "Why don't you just go out there and say something like 'Would you like to buy a vowel'? It would be hilarious." "NO, you're like a jackal picking at my brain, YOU JACKAL!!" yelled Sephiroth. Then, to let off steam, he picked Yuffie up by her throat and threw her across the room. After realizing what he had done, he said he was sorry and gave her an X-Potion.  
Yuffie stood up and yelled, "Sephiroth, you homo!" She was dressed as Yoko Ono. But who was John Lennon? A door opened and Nanaki came out dressed at the notorious Beatle with a black wig, a guitar strapped around his neck, and shades on his eyes. Everyone said with their arms akimbo, "Nanaki, ha ha ha."   
Everyone clamorously eleemosynariously lamentedly masticatorilistly vernalizededly stood and waited for the rest of the gang. Then the door from the cockpit opened. Out came Vincent and Cid. They were dressed as…Milli Vanilli! "Hey, you guys," shouted Tifa, "Milli Vanilla was a group with 2 black guys. Duh." Cid stopped and said, "Oh, my bad." Vincent said, "Hmm. Biscuit. We can fix that." They went back to the cockpit and a few minutes later they came out. Tifa exclaimed, "Uh, you guys are still Milli Vanilli. Are you a white Milli Vanilli?" "No, we're the Titte' Brothers!" said Vincent. Everyone stood and looked at each other and Cloud said, "Uh, okay."  
Cloud looked around and said, "Everyone's here except Barret and Cait Sith. "The room was silent until Aeris shrieked and exclaimed," Ahhhh. Barret's going through my purse." Cloud yelled, "Barret, why would you want to look in her purse. Is that lipstick???"  
Barret said, "Heck no, man, you know that ain't me, come on, man, COME ON." Then he ran out of the room quickly. Everyone was surprised. Sephiroth said, "Honey, if that ever happens again, come tell Big Daddy Seph. "Everybody said," HUH???." "Uh, nevermind." Sephiroth said quickly. Aeris said, "Sephy, I thought we weren't going to them 'til the wedding." Cloud yelled angrily," What wedding? I still love you." Tifa said, "What, I thought you were gay, Cloud." Cloud replied, "WHAT?" Vincent said, "Cough, cough, how 'bout them Yankees?" Everyone replied, "They SUCK."  
  
  
  
Finally, the P.A. system came on again and blared, "Attention, we will be landing at the Gold Saucer Airport in one minute. I repeat, we will be landing in one minute. Biscuit Grapefruit. That it is all."  
Cloud walked to the center of the room and said, "All right. Everybody, let's get ready to leave. Let's mosey out. Biscuit."  
Tifa exclaimed, "What about Barret and Cait Sith?" Cloud replied, "I guess they'll come when they see we're not here. Okay, let's go." The group left the Highwind and didn't notice a big black, blonde lady leave with a short black midget (isn't that redundant?). They headed to the main courtyard to split up. Cloud and Tifa headed to Wonder Square. Sephiroth and Aeris went to book a room (heh heh). Cid and Vincent went to perform at Event Square. Nananki and Yuffie went to ride the Roller Coaster at Speed Square.   
  
  
  
Cloud and Tifa jumped in the portal to Wonder Square. When they came out, they saw a highly decorated game room with many new games. There was, uh, The Snowboarding Game 2 and Submarine 2 and Hand Wrestler 2 and Happy, Fun Basketball Game 2, and well, you get the point. Cloud said, "Hey, let's go race each other on the classic Motorcycle Game 1." Tifa tugged on his arm and said, "Look, somebody else is playing." Cloud gazed at the game and saw a man with spikey, black hair on the machine, and said, "I can't quite put my finger on who that is, but he looks familiar. Oh, well, let's go see what everyone else is doing." So they walked back to the Main Courtyard to save their game and buy some GP from the hidden man in the upper left part of the screen, I mean, their view, yeah, their view.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Vincent and Cid were running around the stage being chased by Little Donny who was begging for their autograph. They ran off the stage and realized that the Titte' Brothers were true pros at their profession. They had a long way to go. They went to the Fighting arena to visit Dio's Showroom. They walked in and saw the same big black woman with blonde hair with the midget. Then Vincent noticed the big black woman had a gun on his arm and the midget had was dragging around a Mega-Phone. Vincent pulled Cid out of the people's sight and whispered, "Hey, I think that woman over there is pretending to be Barret and the little midget and she killed Barret, then killed Cait Sith and took his microphone!" "Dude, you're right, we gotta tell everybody!" said Cid. So Cid called everyone on the PHS (except Barret and the midget, of course), and told them to meet him at the Main Courtyard.  
  
  
  
Aeris and Sephiroth had just checked into their room, and started you-know-whatting (playing scrabble, of course), when they heard the PHS. Sephiroth said, "Well, I win." They started arguing, and nearly forgot about the PHS, when Aeris reminded him. Then they headed for the Main Courtyard and wondered what was so vehemtly amiss.  
Yuffie and Nanaki had just finished their second go around on the Roller Coaster when they heard the PHS. Yuffie said, "We better go see what that's all about. Come on 'John'." Nanaki mumbled, "This guitar keeps poking me in the Bahonkus." (This was a short chapter. Biscuit)  
  
  
  
Eventually, everyone reached the Main Courtyard. "What's goin' on, nyah?" said Cloud. Aeris shrugged and said, "I don't know, Splangey? Cid and Vincent ran in out of breath and said, "We just saw a tall black woman with blonde hair and a gun arm and a short black midget carrying Cait Sith's microphone! We think they killed Barret and Cait Sith, mmm'kay!"  
Cloud yelled, "Nobody panic, all we have to do is find them and work this whole mess out…" but he was interrupted when the lights went out. When they came back on, everyone noticed the black lady and the midget with the megaphone standing in the middle of the room. " Freeze, !@#$%^&!!" yelled Vincent. Everyone gasped. "Vincent?? Whoa."   
"Sorry, I just always wanted to say that."   
"Nevermind that." said Cloud. "Who are those people??"  
The woman took a step forward, and everybody drew their weapons. (Sephiroth accidently hit Yuffie with his sword. Accidently.) But before they could completely decimate them, the woman said," Hey, how do y'all like our costumes?"   
"Huh??"   
"Yeah! Look!" The woman suddenly reached up and snatched off her wig, revealing…  
" Barret?! Whoa, cool. Now I'm not the only one that's dressed up in women's clothing before! Awright!!" exclaimed Cloud. Tifa rolled her eyes at him and said, " Okay, who's the midget? Cait Sith couldn't fit in there! I think Cid was right! The midget killed Cait Sith and is mind-controlling Barret! Kill it!! Kill it!!"  
Everybody lept forward and pounced on the midget. Sephiroth ran him through, and Aeris cast Fire3 on it. Vincent transformed into Chaos and ran forward, while Cloud pulled an Omnislash. Suddenly, they heard gunfire. Barret stood in the middle and yelled, "Stop it!! Stop it!!" Everybody stopped, except for Vincent, who was gnawing on the midget's leg. "You too, Vincent."  
"Crap."  
Sephiroth caught his breath. "What's the meaning of this, Barret?" Everybody said " Yeah, what's up?"  
Barret shook his head and said, " That midget didn't kill Cait Sith. That midget…was Cait Sith!!"  
"Huh?" everyone exclaimed. "What? That looked nothing like him!!" Aeris said. "Of course it didn't." Barret answered. "The midget was…Gary Coleman. And he was Cait Sith all along."  
"Ohhh. Oh well."  
"Yeah, too bad."  
"Gee golly."  
"Biscuit."  
"Why don't we just use a Phoenix Down?" Yuffie queried. Sephiroth shook his head. "You just don't get it. Gary Coleman sucks. " And he quickly ran his sword through Yuffie like a sword through a girl from Wutai.   
"Oh well."  
"Yeah, too bad."  
"Gee golly."  
"Biscuit."  
"Wait, who keeps saying biscuit?"  
"Me."  
Everyone spun around and saw…  
Zack.  
  
  
The End…or is it??  
  
By: Joey Beachum, Sir Scribnatius of Biscuit, and Mahatma Gandhi.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
